POWER Pramming.........

Came across this advertisment the other day for ' power pramming '.
I am willing to give anything a go.. (well most things...) so I thought, oh yea, I am going to try this, what a fab way to keep fit, no sweaty gyms, but plenty of fresh air and sight seeing.
Yes indeedy thats the way to go........

So out came the joggers and on went the nikes, decided it would be better to wear a t-shirt and a training top as was unsure how much like hard work this was going to be.
Best to warm up before me thinks, as I decided I would wholeheartedly put everything into this power pramming.
Found a place on the corner of a busy street and started my warm up, ordered three double brandys and downed them one after the other, the instant warmth was amazing from the inside out, but thought I also should warm my leg muscles, so ordered another brandy and climed off and on the bar stool 5 times before drinking the final brandy....
OK suitably warmed up now and ready to go go go, I thought that now would be the best time to do some physical checks on the pram before taking it through rigorous power play, so checks as follows

1/ handle grips in place
2/ wheels attached and fully inflated
3/ hood folded back for maximum aerodynamics
4/ safety restraint tight enough to keep child in place
5/ child sleeping comfortably

6/ brakes functioning

Right then, everything is in place, I am warmed up and raring to go..... so grabbing the pram firmly by the handles and we are off, setting off at a mega speed ..... lets put it this way Roger Bannister would have been impressed, avoiding drain covers and dog poop,

I reached the end of the street, left turn, these three wheel things are easy to drive, long straight road, moving into top power pramming mode now, oh yes, feeling the wind in my hair as I whizz along..... for some reason there seems to be a lot of people doing this power thing, there are a bunch of people behind me all going as fast as me, they dont all have prams but I guess the principal is the same, however they are all shouting, cant quite hear what they are shouting though as the need to keep my eyes front to avoid dog poop connection is imperative and much more important..... this road is busy, turn left and see two policemen coming towards me, so I slow down as they are running quite fast, they get to me and yell at me to step away from the pram, I do this instantly, one grabs the pram and the other grabs me and slaps on the cuffs....... at this point the other group of people have turned up and are shouting abuse at me....... Well how was I to know that you are supposed to do this 'powerpramming' with your own child and your own pram, it didnt say anything about that when I read it.............all it said was grab a pram and away you go..... so I did.

It looks like this is another sporting activity that is going to pass me by......... :-(

please note : that not all of this post is fact, as obviously I would never wear nike trainers and do not like the taste of brandy....

ciao4now

time to spill

Ok its been a while now and the usual thing it seems is that you have to publish a few facts about yourself..... so ok, I am not gonna buck the trend, but there is NO way I can do 100 (or 102 you know who you are lol !!) all in one go, so I am gonna do a few every week.....



1/ I am an ESSEX girl, and have suffered for it ever since.......but only because I don't have the blonde hair, white stiletto's and not a chance am I dancing around anyones handbag ! I dont even have the accent anymore...thankfully !



2/ I had the perfect childhood from years 0 - 11, then I hit senior school and my parents split and I went totally into 'Wild child mode ' ....... this has been tamed slightly (and I mean slightly) in my aging years but I still have a long way to go...



3/ I love childish things, I still go flying kites, I still bump down the stairs on my 'arris' , I can often be found doing forward rolls and handstands in my living room....... this is not for show as I can assure you that I actually do these things when I am alone, they make me happy and make me laugh !!



4/ I was once married to the perfect guy, he asked for nothing and never questioned my actions, we had 15 bridesmaids and 12 pageboys, the vicar was a 'mrs vicar' and the music was provided by a choir....... to this day I am still destroyed about the fact that we never even got to kiss before the ' end of playtime ' bell sounded and we all had to resume lessons. I was 7.



5/ I can not eat liver, kidneys, or the fat on bacon........ it makes me shudder to even contemplate putting this near my mouth....... there are other things I wouldnt put near my mouth.......... but not going there.



6/ I also can not see/hear/look at anyone brushing their teeth, this has me instantly running from the room and heading for the nearest exit at a huge rate of knots, it is disgusting and reminds me of rabies or something...........aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.





7/ I have a burn on my wrist that I got when I was 2 years old, my mum was heating milk for my brothers bottle and I turned the gas off just as the milk boiled over the pan, I had a woolen jumper on that stuck to the burnt skin and to this day I can trace the pattern of the wool on my skin...



(not sure you can see the scar)



8/ I am funloving and care free, I live every day for what it is, I make the most of every day, I laugh, I smile and I have fun (yeah of cause I have bad days) but then I have the next day to look forward to, and my glass is ALWAYS ALWAYS half full !!

anyway I think thats enough of my rubbish for this week, but I will carry on regardless soon enough !!



ciao4now

Never kid ya Mam.....

Mums are always smarter for sure !!

Amanda invited her mother over to her house for dinner. Over the course of the evening, Amanda's mum started to wonder if there was more between Amanda and her roommate (Sandy) than met the eye. She had long been suspicious of her daughter's sexuality, and watching them interact made her more curious. Reading her mum's thoughts, Amanda volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sandy and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sandy came to Amanda and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find my favorite drinking cup. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Amanda saidd, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a drinking cup from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a drinking cup.

Several days later, Amanda received a letter from her mother which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sandy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sandy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the drinking cup by now.....

How come mums always know ?

ciao4now

hands free camels feet

Please dont read this post if you are easily offended.

Ok, now a days we are all trying to find the easiest and most accessable ways to achieve things, especially while driving,for obvious safety reasons... i.e we have hands free car phones, hands free sat navs, etc etc.

Well I have this morning, made a new hands free discovery.... I was a little bit late for work, hastily jumped into my car and set off at a high rate of knots..... well as I reached the sleeping policemen (speed bumps or whatever you call them) I obviously slowed down and proceded over the bump........ it was at this precise moment that I created hands free ' bean flicking '.... oh my word, I can only descibe how I created this effect as follows,

In my haste to get into my car and on my journey, I didnt adjust my trousers correctly and had inadvertantly given myself a ' front bottom wedgie ' ...... thus creating the visial effect of a camels foot............

(the only piccy I could find of a camels foot) so use your imagination....

So every time I braked and then accelerated it created a bean flicking sensation........ I did get a lot of stange looks on the motorway on my way to work as I constantly drove like my car had been filled up with kangaroo juice(of cause didnt drive like this on purpose hee hee)..... but I think I have had a good start to my day and cant wait to drive back home tonight.....

why do I keep thinking about this strange little ditti ??

The sexual life of the camel

Is stranger than anyone thinks.

At the height of the mating season

He tries to bugger the sphinx.

But the sphinx's posterior sphincter

Is all clogged by the sands of the Nile,

Which accounts for the hump on the camel

And the sphinx's inscrutable smile.

anyway its lunchtime and I am off to look for sleeping policemen or large pot holes in the road..

so if anyone knows of any pot holes, dirt tracks, sleeping policemen or any alternatives that are close to Liverpool or Manchester le me know....thanks

ciao4now everybody peeps xx

Never fook with a woman !! you'll learn

I have discovered a few lines that seem to sum up the hidden messages that are sent out by women... below is a selections of words and the TRUE meanings behind them...... these apply in most situations and should always be adhered to, 100%, no deviation and no getting away from it...... be warned....

1.) FINE: This is the word the women uses to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. However five minutes is only five minutes, if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a real word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make. That's "okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome and say NOTHING else, nothing at all.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is a task that the woman has requested doing several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in you asking, "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.

ciao4now everybody peeps xx

what is wrong with me ?

I am sitting here just catching up on the news.....
I hear the weather.... It is going to be the HOTTEST day of the year so far.... the hottest day in April since records began...
What am I doing this afternoon ???

Going to the M.E.N areana to watch dancing on ice...!!??

What the hell is wrong with me?

I only have two things I can use to create any kind of logic...
It wasnt sunny when I booked it, and I guess its one of those things you do for love..... love pushes it sometimes though, dont ya think ?

ciao4now

GRAND NATIONAL

ok so its the Grand National this weekend, I know not everyone agrees with horse racing, but this is a national treasure, its a one off when nearly everyone in the country becomes a racing tipser....

So let it be known I am now about to transpose into the female version of John Mc Crirrick or maybe even the female version of Claire balding ?!

OK so here are the tips...... get ready...

Grand National.....

number 1...Billyvoddan..... destined for the winners enclosure

number 2... idletalk.... oh this will be there too...

I think its best to go for a reverse forcast....

goodluck everyone and I can assure you that any monies lost will NOT be refunded by me, take the punt at your own risk....

but the best tip I can give you is keep ya dosh firmly planted in your sky rocket and spend it later in the day on beer !!!

ciao4now everybody peeps xx

A Creative Difference ?

This made me smile a bit....

WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Ciao4now everybody peeps...x

jelly challenging.....

ok help required......... sitting at my table with a pot of Hartleys strawberry jelly.... armed with a spoon, peeled off the lid ready to start, dig in spoon but all thats happening is that the jelly is spinning round in a circle in the tub, try a different way, too much jelly for the spoon to lift (and too wobbly to stay on the spoon) bigger spoon ? no good......... nothing available....
so what to do ? seems a bit uncouth to slurp the jelly directly from the pot (maybe fun actually) but even on my own it doesnt seem like a good idea.....
ok given up and note to self ' not to buy jelly again' until a better solution is found....

ciao4now

why today is beautiful...

Today is BEAUTIFUL.....
Is today beautiful because the sun has shone all day ? no.....
Is today beautiful because I have completed my pile of ironing? no....
Is today beautiful because I had dangerous liaison number three at the weekend ? no.... (but that's a different thing)
Is today beautiful because I hoovered and polished the interior of my car for the first time in four years ? no......
Today is beautiful because I have had my first days holiday of the year !! it is amazing and I have enjoyed EVERY minute of it so far....and what makes it even better is the fact that I am off work tomorrow too !! ha ha yippee hooray and any other cheery words that spring to mind...
I have spent most of the day loving and cherishing my home, making the most of my great day...... I have spent all day in my slobbery clothes, these are the best clothes in the world, that can only be worn at home...however as I caught sight of myself today in the mirrored wardrobes (that sounds decidedly dodgy even to mention mirrored wardrobes....maybe should have deleted ) I am ashamed to say that I am going to have to change my slobbery clothes....after catching sight of my attire, I had second thoughts about even going into the garden to hang out the washing.... I had an olive green t-shirt on that has slight bleach mark/spots on the front, I had my new preps on and a pair of camouflage combat shorts that no longer has a button attached and are totally reliant on the zip staying up to keep my dignity, however these are probably two sizes too big and are constantly exposing a builders bum position anyway..... in fact a good summary of my slob out clothes.... they make me look like an extra from the Avril Lavine skater boy music video....... I have a attached a picture of my new preps and my combat shorts so you can see for yourselves....

does anyone else have slob out clothes that they can only wear at home and would NEVER be seen dead in ???

ciao4now everyone xxx